Do you struggle with self-blame? It can be a really easy thing to do, with a little practice. Sometimes you might get so good at it that you’re not even really responsible for whatever it is that you’re blaming yourself for! Self-blame can express itself in thoughts like: “I’m sorry it’s raining today.” Or, “I’m sorry you didn’t like your coffee this morning.” Yes, on the good side, the motive may be to make someone happy.
Here are some points to consider:
1. We’ve talked about 2 of the Spirit-in-Nature Flower Essences in the first paragraph: Raspberry Essence, for forgiveness, including self-forgiveness, and letting go of grudges and past hurts as well as tapping into your own innate kindness and compassion; and Banana Essence for true humility, also known as self-forgetfulness and self-honesty, which are ways of releasing the ego like letting go of a helium balloon to soar into the skies.
One of our flower essence practitioners wrote: “For a client who got divorced recently, I recommended Raspberry Essence, for her to release her old hurts and let them go. She told me that her consciousness feels expanded. She felt Raspberry Essence guided her to deep honesty within herself and helped her to face and work on these themes instead of pushing them aside. This flower essence led her through her inner processes and helped her to not fall into her old patterns again.”
2. Self-blame can mask itself as humility— but this is false humility, which is a characteristic of the “ego.” Before we go any further, here’s a solid, working definition of “ego” according to Indian scripture: Ego is the soul’s identification with the body. It’s one of the ways that we remain tied to this world and thus think we have to apologize for everything.
I have a friend, whom I haven’t seen for years, who would apologize in practically every other sentence. I found myself at first impressed by what seemed to be her humility. Then I noticed how defensive—on her behalf—it made me feel. Next, I started apologizing to her! “That’s okay, really. I’m fine that lunch isn’t ready yet.” “I’m sorry the quiche didn’t come out the way you wanted it to.” “I’m sorry I arrived on time because it didn’t allow you to finish preparing lunch.” Before long, it was an “apology fest!” We were getting nowhere fast – and she apologized for that too.
3. Move on. Once we can forgive and forget, as the saying goes, it’s time to move on. Coddling our mistakes is just another way to throw our valuable energy out the window.